"Fork of Sin"

 There was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness 
and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things 
"in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to 
discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which
songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, 
and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. The woman also
requested to be buried with her favorite Bible. Everything was in 
order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly 
remembered something very important to her. 
 
"There's one more thing," she said excitedly.
"What's that?" came the pastor's reply. "This is very important,"
the woman continued. "I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."

The pastor's mouth dropped wide open. "That surprises you, 
doesn't it?" the woman asked. 
"Why on Earth would you want a fork in your hand," said the
pastor. The woman explained. "In all my years of attending church 
socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of 
the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and 
say, 'Keep your fork'. It was my favorite part because since the cook was absolutely
terrible at the main course I knew that something else was coming. 
 So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and 
I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?". Then I want you to tell 
them: "Keep your fork....the best is yet to come". The pastor's eyes widen
with fear as he hugged the woman goodbye. He knew this would be one 
of the last times he would ever visit her before her death.
 
At the funeral people were walking by the woman's casket and they 
saw the pretty dress she was wearing and her favorite Bible and the fork 
stuck in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question 
"What's with the fork?" And over and over he frowned. During his message, the 
pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly 
before she died.
He also told them about the fork and about what it means.
The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the 
fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about 
it either.
He was right.

In last moments of the service, the women arose out of the coffin, with the fork right through
her hand. A scream of agony was felt throughout the room. The lights flickered,
and the walls began to bleed. It turned out she was the daughter of Satan. The 
anti-Christ herself. Now with the power of the emerge fork she was now ALIVE
on Earth. She began to wreak havoc by blowing fire out of her mouth at all the
church goers. While some held up their bible for protection, it did little to spare them.
Their boiling bodies began to stench the streets of the town. People from all
over came out to see what was all the fuss. Pure death floated through the air,
dropping all inhabitants dead instantly. From their already rotting corpses
came out demons and the hounds of hell. Within hours the planet was eradicated
of all life. Hell was released into the new era of darkness. The demons swept through
the heavens and spoiled the bodies of the angels. When God awoke from his
Sunday nap, he spoke only five words, "Oh Hell, not the Fork...!"

                                The End

ŠApril 19, 2001 Ken